Swingers: Sexual Enjoyment, Love And Fidelity
UNDERSTANDING THE ORIGIN, LIFESTYLE AND CONCEPTS OF SWINGER COUPLES.
The word swinger comes from the verb to swing, which means oscillating, changing, balancing. It is said that this movement was originated in California with couples of the military sector, which used to gather in clubs known as “key clubs” where the husbands left their bedroom keys in the middle of the room and the wives would pick one key from the whole and then found out who was going to be her sexual partner of the night. (McGinley, 1995). Some people mistakenly confuse swinging with “wife swapping” maybe because of the origin of the movement, the reality is that the range of sexual activities included on swinging are much more than those involved in simple wives exchange.
BUT WHAT IS SWINGING, WHAT DOES IT INVOLVE?
According to Bartell, 1971, it is a sexual activity shared among a couple with at least one more person. Sex is seen as something merely recreational, as a source of enjoyment, pleasure and socialization.
Swinger couples claim that this activity meliorates their relationship both at the emotional and sexual levels, since it digs into the secret desires of individuals to enjoy sexual variety and allows the couple to explore together their secret fantasies without any guilt or betrayal.
In fact, they claim that their relationship is based on monogamy at the emotional level and that honesty and commitment are present in their relationships, and even when they share sex with other people, sexual fidelity is always present, since it is done under mutual concept and basically the sexual activity is done in the presence of the partner.
It is important to differentiate swinger couples from open relationships which just promote a non possessive love and tolerate unfaithfulness within the couple. The key here and the secret to a successful and fulfilling swinger practice is total honesty.
HONESTY AND RESPECT FOR THE RULES PLAY A MAJOR ROLE FOR THE SAFETY AND SANITY OF THE COUPLE´S RELATIONSHIP.
The variety of possibilities when it comes to sexual practices varies from couple to couple and each couple determines their own rules before getting into action. They have to decide how far they will go and which practices are allowed or not.
Not always swinger couples have coitus which is known as “total exchange”, they simply permit some less intense interactions or “partial” and end up having intercourse with their partners. For instance, some couples just admit their partners having intercourse with the other person but not kissing in the mouth because it has a more emotional meaning. In some cases, not only the partners have sex with the other couple, but interact among them. Other ones allow men having sex with the women and let women also interact among them. So, basically, swinger practices can cover or restrict a wide range of sexual practices which should be clearly determined among the partner and clarified with the person or persons they are going to engage sexually with. No matter the freedom of sexual action or the restrictions, it is basic to fully respect them.
Apart from the above mentioned total or partial swinging, there is a third category or swinging style which is not so popular as the above mentioned and it called “closed swinging”. This form allows each partner going to have sex in a separate room with the new partner. In fact, some swingers discuss this practice and claim it is not part of swinging activities since basically the exchange of partners within swingers is done in the presence of the other.
NOW, WHAT PERSONS OR COUPLES ARE MORE PRONE TO BECOME SWINGERS?
Any couple could get involved on swinger sexual activities. But statistic shows that the majority of the couples involved started this sexual activities on their forties and they are mostly from medium to high socioeconomic levels and are settled couples, with kids, who have been married for over 3 to 7 years.
We could say that swinging is a strategy that helps to preserve the love bond and the relationship itself, adding to it more excitement to face sexual routine and preventing infidelity.
A shallower though could make us think that, on the contrary the bond of the partners being threatened. But again, if based on respect, honesty, strict preservation and observance of the mutual rules, this sexual lifestyle has in fact strengthened the complicity and mutual trust. Of course, as in any aspect of life and as in any form of relationship there will always be individuals failing and breaking the rules and engaging themselves beyond what is permitted with the newly met sexual partner, for example involving in dating that one without the knowledge and presence of the couple.
Summarizing, swinging is a sexual practice and lifestyle that is only feasible to succeed among couples who have a strong emotional bond, are honest and trust their partners and are just seeking new ways to enjoy and enhance their sex life daring to go for their fantasies in new bed-time shared adventures.